Posted on: November 6, 2008 2:24 pm
Edited on: November 6, 2008 6:38 pm

Wild are on an Ignateous Streak

premature articulations:

It's as inevitable as a belch after beer that Iggy will post a doom and gloom thread or three on the Wild page after the good guys lose a couple of games.  Frankly, warped minds are a bit surprised that Mr. Optimism hasn't already graced the board with his presence and commentary of the Wild's sputtering performances over the last week, but hey, the season is still early, eh?  But enough jabbering; it's time to fire up the Warpy Quark psychlotron:

dangling sub-atomic participles:

Top Quark(s):  Normally when the Wild lose, Warpy can find players on the other team worthy of Top Quark honors, but nobody really stands out in any of the last three Wild losses (or even the lone Wild victory in that span) as being a huge difference maker.  The closest thing to a Top Quark would be the Carey Price, but even there, going 0-10 on the power play was more a function of poor play by the Wild than of great defense or goaltending on the Canadiens end.  Could a missing Top Quark get us one step closer to discovering the Higgs Particle?  Keep it tuned to the Warpy Channel for the latest develpments.

Up Quark(s):  Mikko Koivu continues to play at a level worthy of the captain's "C".  Unfortunately, most of the rest of the team continues to play like it's sleepwalking, especially in the first period.  If Jacques Lemaire hasn't already done so, it's time to put the kibosh on those soccer/tennis games that apparently take so much out of the lower body (*cough* Gabby's groin)

Down Quark(s):  There are too many to disCERN, so it's a little hard to get a gauge on the bosons.

Sorry; I just couldn't pass up a straight line like that:)

Stay tuned for more events on the horizon (not to be kihnfused with "horizontal events" when approaching the late-ex Schwanz-Shield Radius of a black hole, but I digress...)

Bottom Quark(s):  In order to reduce the amount of typing I'll need to do on future entires, I'll just plug in Martin Skoula's name here on a permanent basis, and insert the needed details later.

New permanent additions to the bottom sector of the Warpy kihntinuum: Marek Zidlicky and Marc-Andre Bergeron.

Skoula has yet to have a bad game since his entry into bottom quarkdom was made permanent a couple of weeks ago.  True, Skooly hasn't had any really good games in this stretch either, but a mediocre Skoula is not all that bad of a thing.  I can think of worse things that could've been made permanent this week, if thou knowest of what I speak.

Bergeron is looking decidedly unimpressive on defense, and his increasingly infrequent slap shots are racking up some serious frequent flier miles due to pucks bypassing the net in favor of a nonstop trip to the boards.  Zidlicky is looking like another big liability on defense, and appears to be even less physical than Kim Johnsson, if such a thing is possible.  With Brent Burns sidelined, suddenly Jacques Lemaire's "best defensive corps in Wild history" is basically down to Nick Schultz plus a cast of has-beens and never-weres being held together by paper clips and duct tape.  At least one person saw this coming well before the drop of the puck this season, as witnessed earlier in the Wild Fanatics page.

Strange Quark(s):  Confucius says those who study calculus find life full of limits.

Charmed Quark(s):  Kihnfucius says that's an infinitely stupid saying.

post-dramatic sin drones:

And in Kihnclusion:  Well, as you can see by now, the Wild's performance during the last week has warped minds more interested in playing with sub-atomic physiques than thinking about hockey games.  Things are getting to the point where the thought of spending time with a clingy, needy girlfriend suddenly sounds appealing again.  Next up are two more losses road games against the Colorado Avalanche and the Vancouver Canucks.  Then, after some badly needed days off, the good guys come home to feast on a couple of cream puffs before they drop too far in the standings.  All negativity aside, GO WILD!!!

I'm Warped Mind, and I approve of seeing no more Norm Coleman or Al Franken ads.

...and now, a word from our spawn's heirs...

If my wife to be or not to be is watching, the word "philandering" is a derived compound of two words -- "filleting" and "wandering" -- so as you can see, I really was out fishing last Saturday.  To the rest of you, thanx for tuning in, keep your stick on the ice, and remember: it is better to receive than it is to give; if you don't like what you receive, you can always give it away.

Category: NHL
The views expressed in this blog are solely those of the author and do not reflect the views of CBS Sports or CBSSports.com