Posted on: October 15, 2008 2:50 pm
Edited on: October 15, 2008 6:53 pm

Move Over, Red Wings. Here Come the Wild.

premature articulations:

Another game, another win for the Minnesota Wild.  I doubt that anyone expected this team to make a habit out of scoring four goals per game.  If they keep this sort of thing up, warped minds may have to rekihnsider the preseason 4th place in the division prediction and start looking at playoff scenarios.  Before we get too far ahead of ourselves, though, it's time for the Warped Quark awards.

dangling subatomic participles:

Top Quark(s):  Antti Miettinen has to take top honors for last night's game.  It's kind of boring to make such an obvious pick, but hey, if Wild players get in the habit of having multiple goal games, this is a kind of boredom at least one Wild fan can get used to.  Warpy predicts the trend to kihntinue with Mikko Koivu and Pierre-Marc Bouchard in the upcoming games in Florida, also known as Hockeystate USA..

Up Quark(s):  Mikko Koivu gets a huge Up Quark for the sweet pass on the first Wild goal.  You know it's a good pass when a player can partially whiff on the shot, reload, and still hit nothing but net.  #9 has also done a fine job of picking pockets on the defensive end in both games.  Jacques Lemaire made an excellent choice for the captain's "C".  It's too bad that Lemaire insists on juggling captains almost as often as he juggles lines.

Marc-Andre Fleury gets a call for looking better on the blue line last night.  He looked a little shaky in the first game, but appeared to settle more comfortably into place last night.  It may be just a matter of time before warped minds really warm up to this guy, though it would be less kihnfusing if he wore a number that didn't look so much like Martin Minus Skoula's.

Down Quark(s):  Martin Skoula gets a Downer for yet another bumbling defensive play that cost the Wild a goal.  Skoula was actually in the correction position to make a play (a rarity in itself) on the first Thrashers goal, but was facing the wrong direction to do anything meaningful (sadly, this is not so rare in #41's case).  The Master of Having His Back to the Play took some futile swipes between his legs trying for the puck -- at least I hope that's what he was going for between his legs -- and gave no thought to playing the man standing right behind him in prime scoring position.

On the plus side, Skoula did make enough defensive plays of the good persuasion to avoid getting another Bottom Quark.  He even threw a couple of decent checks along the boards -- almost enough to get an Up Quark -- which would've cancelled out the Down Quark and created an invisible quark.  Perhaps we'll need to add some kind of "Anitmatter" segment in this blog to disCERN such a scenario; I can see Kim Johnsson spending much time in the Invisible Sector of the ice rink continuum this year.

Bottom Quark(s):  There wasn't anything in last night's game for either side that would warrant a Bottom Quark, so we'll give today's bottom award to the gods of hockey, for depriving the sport of Alexei Cherepanov at the tender age of 19.  In a world where other people continue to make millions of dollars after multiple screw-ups, it's a crying shame to see someone pass away without ever having a chance to make his mark in life.  Condolences to the Rangers organization and to the Cherepanov family.  The word "tragedy" tends to get overused, but this was indeed a tragedy (even more so if it turns out to have been preventable).

Strange Quark(s):  Brent Burns gets the Strange Quark award for being minus 2 after two games.  One doesn't have to be overly Fermi-lyer with the Wild to know that Burnsie is multiple all-star material.  If he stays in the minus zone for any length of time, the cause of the issue can be summed up in four words: "getting paired with Skoula".

Keith Carney gets a proxy quark award for his role in helping develop Brent Burns and Nick Schultz into the stud defensemen they are today.  It's too bad Carney isn't here to do the same for guys like Erik Reitz, who looks like he'll be a keeper.  As it is, it looks like Reitz will be stuck having to look up to the Dildaphonic Duo to look up to for veteran leadership.

Charmed Quark(s):  How 'bout that Wild power play?!  Another fine performance last night by the special teams.  Even though the Wild "only" scored one goal with the man advantage last night, they got tons of quality shots and scoring chances -- many more than in Saturday night's game.  If the Panthers and Lightning had scouts doing homework on the Wild this week, methinks the message they'll pound home to the players will be: stay out of the penalty box... or else...

post-dramatic syndrones:

And in Kihnclusion:  Our favorite hockey team is once again off to its traditional firewagon start.  With more games against the least East and fewer games in a brutally tight Northwest division, the good guys could parlay a fast start into solid early positioning in the quest for a playoff spot.  GO WILD!!!

...and now, a word from our spawn's heirs...

If my wife to be or not to be is watching, it was your idea to give our new neighbor a hand, so don't blame me for taking so long there.  How was I supposed to know she was a nudist?  To the rest of you, thanx for tuning in, keep your stick on the ice, and remember: if it ain't broke, you're not trying hard enough.

Category: NHL
The views expressed in this blog are solely those of the author and do not reflect the views of CBS Sports or CBSSports.com